1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,680 MUSIC: 20th Century Boy by T.Rex 2 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:14,280 3 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:20,400 4 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,120 5 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:27,520 rock and roll... 6 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:28,960 TYRES SQUEAL 7 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,680 SHE GASPS 8 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,000 Whoops! 9 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,040 Charge like a ram 10 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,920 11 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,680 12 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,280 13 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,640 You were meant for me, yeah... 14 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,880 - Oh, it's looking good, Dave. - No worries. 15 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,480 CHURCH BELL RINGS 16 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,120 {\an8}MUSIC: Young Hearts Run Free by Candi Staton 17 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,360 18 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,520 19 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,920 lost and lonely wife. 20 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,520 Oh, this is just perfect, isn't it? 21 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,440 You know when the estate agent showed me around, she said, 22 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,880 "I'm so sorry, you're going to have to gut the place. 23 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,880 "It's not been touched since the '70s. 24 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,200 I said, "Are you kidding, love? It's perfect." 25 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,240 It is like a time capsule. 26 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:09,000 Just got time to get me lucky frame up before we open. 27 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,280 MUSIC CONTINUES ON RADIO 28 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,640 What is that? 29 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,040 I ran away to London when I was a teenager. 30 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,960 Got into hairdressing, and I was working all the high-end salons. 31 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,760 All the top folk were coming in. 32 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,520 I knew 'em all and they knew me. It were lovely. 33 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,080 And when they'd had a whizzer and I was sweeping up after, 34 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,880 I'd preserve a lock. 35 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,280 Rod Stewart. 36 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,240 David Cassidy, look. 37 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,720 George Best. So black, it's almost deep blue. 38 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,120 Noddy Holder. 39 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,760 Blondie. 40 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,720 It's The Goodies. 41 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,480 Kate Bush. 42 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:49,960 Parkinson himself. 43 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,440 Ah, Donna Summer. 44 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,280 That is a clip of Bjorn's beard from ABBA. 45 00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:00,600 And my prize - a snip of dear David. 46 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,240 Bowie. 47 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,680 From his Ziggy days. 48 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:07,440 Sorry, it's just, it is eight tenths off the perpendicular 49 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,480 and a centimetre off the vertical, so... 50 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,040 - ..may I? - Yeah. 51 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,720 So exciting. 52 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,040 I've been researching the '70s since I got the job. 53 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,120 I like to be thorough. 54 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,000 I noticed that at your interview. 55 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,280 Is that why I got the job? Oh, hey, I do like this music. 56 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,840 CHUCKLES: That is why you got the job. 57 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,520 - Go on, give us a twirl. - Oh...! 58 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,720 Oh, no! 59 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,280 Be gone! 60 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,280 Go on. 61 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,760 Be...gone! 62 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,080 Scoot! 63 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,280 Dreadful woman. 64 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,520 HE SIGHS 65 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,400 Watch out! 66 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,400 Yeah, it's mainly junk. 67 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,480 I'm gutting the place, yeah. 68 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:09,000 Having a right good clear out, and there's one or two things 69 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,960 you might want to pass your experienced eye over. 70 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,920 - WHISPERS: - Mr Terry, I've got a hair appointment. 71 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,600 - What? - A hair appointment! 72 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,240 Shush! 73 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,800 Sorry, Race. 74 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,360 Well, to be honest, Terrance, 75 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,600 I don't envisage there being much for me. 76 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,240 And to be frank, I don't fancy a trip out for nowt. 77 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,560 Hey! Don't be too hasty, there's a few choice things. 78 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,040 'Ere, let me look. 79 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,560 Nice candle stick, 80 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,000 condiment holder, 81 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,560 antique cup and saucer. 82 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,120 One second, pray. 83 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,560 Er, please describe. 84 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,240 Well, it's... 85 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,840 Wait there, let me take a photo. 86 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,520 Hang on. Let me get some light. 87 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,960 Two seconds, Race. 88 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,720 MESSAGE WHOOSHES 89 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,440 MESSAGE ALERT PINGS 90 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,400 Did you get the photo? 91 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,640 Yes, yes, I got it all right. 92 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:18,720 I'm coming over. 93 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,200 Keep it safe. 94 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,280 CALL DISCONNECTS 95 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,480 Result! 96 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,200 HE HUMS TO HIMSELF 97 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,080 Mr Terry, we agreed that if I worked late last night, 98 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,000 I could have a few hours off today. 99 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,800 - I'm already late - and if I miss that bus... - Yes! Yes. 100 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,280 Go, then, toddle on. 101 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,880 You did say you'd try and sort something out for the charity shop. 102 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,640 I've already donated my Frank's stuff after he... 103 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,160 Oh, yes, yes. 104 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,320 Oh, just take that box of crap. 105 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,360 It's going in the skip anyway. Move it! 106 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,360 And get back pronto! 107 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,200 Blooming heck, what a rush. 108 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,000 CHURCH BELL CHIMES 109 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,040 DOORBELL RINGS 110 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,800 Sorry I'm so late. 111 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,880 Sorry. So sorry. 112 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,520 - Can I leave this here? - 'Course you can. 113 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,960 I've got to get it down the charity shop. 114 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,600 Then after that, straight on the bus and back to work. 115 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,200 Sorry. 116 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,720 That painting's a bit circa 1970s, innit? 117 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,040 Oh, have it if you like. It was destined for the skip. 118 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:38,000 Just don't ask me which way up it goes. 119 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,200 She's struggling for lolly, poor love. 120 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,840 Ooh! 25% off. 121 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,520 Welcome is that. 122 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,640 - How did you know? - I'm a hairdresser. Read the cut, kid. 123 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,160 - What? - She's Mutt and Jeff in her left ear as well. 124 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:53,840 You're our first-ever customer. 125 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,800 - Pardon, love? - You're our first-ever customer. 126 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,960 Oh, sorry, love, I'm bit hard of hearing in this blinking side. 127 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,520 - Sorry. - She has the hair always pushed back over the left ear. 128 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,760 You can see the permanent kink. 129 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,480 I'm Val, by the way. 130 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,520 Valerie Stromboli, isn't it? 131 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:15,520 It is, love. There hangs a tale. 132 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,880 I remember me first cut here as a girl. 133 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,800 Me mother brought me. 134 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,800 It's exactly the same. 135 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,600 In fact, I think that very track was playing. 136 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,640 - Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? - Clary's a convert! 137 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,760 So, please take a seat in Sir Swivel. 138 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,720 SHE GASPS 139 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,720 Are you all right? 140 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,560 I never look in a mirror for more than a second or two lately. 141 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,120 Look at the sorry, sorry state of me. 142 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,880 Are you sure you're all right? 143 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,480 Can I get you a tea? Or a coffee? 144 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,960 Ever since my Frank went... 145 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,400 ..I've let meself go. 146 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,480 SHE SOBS 147 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,480 Hey, you're with us now. 148 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,200 Leave yourself in my hands. 149 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,600 DOORBELL TINKLES 150 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,720 I'm here for my appointment. 151 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,560 Sorry, at... At what time was it? 152 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,560 - Now. - Now. 153 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,400 I've got nothing in my book, I'm afraid. 154 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,960 Every third month, I have it on this time on this date. 155 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,520 I'm sorry, the last owner's sold up, love. 156 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,040 - But it's no problem if you can wait. - No! 157 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,880 Oh, dear! 158 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,440 Don't give her any mind. That's Miss Pru. 159 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,520 No need to explain. 160 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,200 Those with straight fringes that go thataway are always like that. 161 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,520 - What do you mean? - They've no patience. 162 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,280 She moves around the town like that. 163 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,200 That's bob on. They call her Miss Pru Never Queue. 164 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,240 Yeah, she lives alone, 165 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,600 she was in the teaching profession, probably, 166 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,200 and she is not popular with anyone. 167 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,080 Yes! How did you know? 168 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,640 Oh, she's like the Hairdressing Holmes. 169 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,240 Elementary, my dear Clary. 170 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,680 Got the whole blinking lot there, all right, 171 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:11,440 except she's no time for anyone except her titchy dog. 172 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,760 And even she can't stand her! 173 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,480 Spinster of the parish? 174 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,680 Oh, not quite. 175 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,680 I could tell you a few things about old Pru 176 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:23,240 and a certain gentleman antique dealer. 177 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,560 Ooh! Hanky panky? 178 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,720 Well, let's just say 179 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,680 furtive conversations in darkened corners. 180 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,400 Ooh, I'm sorry. 181 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:38,920 I'm so sorry. 182 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:43,160 I can't settle until I've got that box to the charity shop 183 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,920 and back to work. 184 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,720 - Don't you worry about that, I'll nip it up in me break. - Ooh! 185 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:49,760 Thanks. 186 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,160 She's not moving! 187 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,200 Ooh! She's scary, her. 188 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,320 Let me get my maddy baddy face on. 189 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,920 Not yet! 190 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:14,480 It's on the sign! 191 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,720 Never fails. 192 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,200 SHE CHUCKLES 193 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,640 Oh, there's another one. 194 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,840 Oh! 195 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,040 Not.... 196 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,560 Oh, my God! It's her, it's her! 197 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,920 It's you, the new hairdresser in town. 198 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,200 You're not supposed to be in cos of the sale. 199 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,680 - Oh. - But sod it sideways. Come on in. Come in! 200 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,160 - I was just bringing a box... - Put the box down there. 201 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,680 - Ta, dove. - Thanks. And would you mind terribly... 202 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,080 - Oh, what's these leaflets? - Well, you know. 203 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:56,080 Well, welcome to the Harrods of hand-me-downs, 204 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,640 as it's known! 205 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,640 HE LAUGHS 206 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,880 Here, let's get these product placed. 207 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,520 Ooh! 25% off. 208 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,960 - Get this, Dobbie. - Oh, I'll have some of that. 209 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,440 THEY ALL LAUGH 210 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,720 What brought you here, dear? 211 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:13,080 Oh, a place of my own, somewhere quiet, doing what I love best. 212 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,240 - What about you? - Same. Samesies. 213 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,920 I danced all over - 214 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,840 cabarets, casinos, cruises - 215 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,600 till me tendons screamed out for mercy. 216 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,080 And I find me calling here, among the cast-offs. 217 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,520 - Aw! - Don't encourage him. 218 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,560 He'll be giving his story via means of interpretive dance in a minute. 219 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,560 Where do you come from? 220 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,360 Worked in London most of my career. 221 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,960 Oh! I got a taste of t'smoke an all. 222 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,640 - A drag review off Piccadilly. - Oh! 223 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,160 224 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,720 225 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,560 226 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:55,080 BOTH SING: a single thing that's new. 227 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,000 We had Danny La Rue in our shop once. 228 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,200 Don't tell me, was you working at Sassoon's, 229 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,840 and Leonard of Mayfair, all that lot? 230 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,600 Yep. 231 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,320 Be still, my beating heart. 232 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,960 That must have been marvellous. 233 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,760 Here you are, meet the mob. 234 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,440 - Lonnie. - Lily. 235 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:17,080 And on ironing and pricing and everything else, we have... 236 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,520 Dobby! 237 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,520 THEY LAUGH 238 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,080 Our Gran Friday. She does the lot. 239 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,560 Oh, and on sorting and sullen grunts, 240 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,680 we have The Bad Lads in the back. 241 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,920 - WHISPERS: - Community service. - Right, right, right, right. 242 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:30,960 Lads! 243 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,840 - BOTH: - 'Ey up. 244 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:39,040 They won't be requiring your 25% off, as you may have noticed. 245 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,840 Good thing you've come when you've come. 246 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,680 We're about to lower the drawbridge. 247 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,200 - God save us. - Mmm! 248 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,320 Hang on to everything that's not nailed down. 249 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,320 - Dobbie's bingo dobber went last time, didn't it, love? - Yeah. 250 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,480 Here, you'll be losing this one an' all. 251 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,280 Initialled an' all. 252 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:55,920 Me lucky dobber. 253 00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:01,080 Dobbie's bingo barmy. Goes nowhere without her dobber, do you, dovelet? 254 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,240 Oh! Ha-ha! 255 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,000 Cheeky! 256 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,080 I had a lipstick that hue in '72. 257 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,800 THEY LAUGH 258 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,880 God love us, what a mess! 259 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,440 Dear, oh, dear. 260 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,880 Terrance! 261 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,640 All right, Race? Hey? Yeah? 262 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,480 All right, yes. Just brushing off the dust and the past. 263 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,200 Too many memories, you see. 264 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,120 I recall this establishment in its heyday. 265 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,680 I bet you do! 266 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,880 The last owner just took off. 267 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,360 I got it as a job lot. 268 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,360 - Oh, yeah? - So much junk. 269 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,880 Hey, let me show you that teacup. 270 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,400 Oh, yes, yes, yes! 271 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,720 Oh! 272 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,400 Oh, wait. 273 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,720 Daft mare's taken the wrong box. 274 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:52,280 Right, before we go any further, this was definitely it? 275 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,080 - 'Course it bloody were! - Right, sorry, where is it? 276 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,800 The charity shop. 277 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,480 You do realise it was worth 35 at least? 278 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,760 Oh, great! 279 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,680 That's 35 quid down the Swanee. 280 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,000 No. 281 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,800 35,000! 282 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,200 I'm sorry I'm late. 283 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,920 Do you like me hair? 284 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,120 What? 285 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:22,960 Here! 286 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,160 - What a haul. - I know. 287 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,880 It was like Raiders of the Lost Ark, though I did get out by a whisker. 288 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,200 - What? - The charge of the four-for-two tsunami. 289 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,680 Hey, and guess who was at the head of it, elbowing like a good 'un? 290 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,240 - Who? - Miss Pru. 291 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,440 She glared at me with, "Get out of my way or die!" 292 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,000 And the corners on that trolley... 293 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,480 Ow! 294 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,000 Like the daggers on Boudicca's chariot wheel. 295 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,120 Come on, Val, step out for goodness' sake. 296 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,080 - I'm so sorry! - Hurry up! - Hop in the back. 297 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,800 GEARS GRIND 298 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,440 OK. Right hand, red. 299 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,200 DOORBELL TINKLES 300 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,800 Oh, Val, your beautiful barnet. 301 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,200 The box! Have you still got that box? 302 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,680 What?! 303 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,360 LILY AND CLARY SHRIEK 304 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,440 - Where's the teacup! - Sorry? 305 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,800 - The teacup, man! - Sorry, what? 306 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,560 It was in the box I brought. 307 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,320 Oh, that box. It's still by the door. 308 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,680 - Shift! - Ooh! 309 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,120 Shift! 310 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,480 Nothing here. 311 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,680 It must have been sold, then. 312 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,720 Didn't see it go, no. 313 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,160 I never miss a sale or a receipt. 314 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,160 Whatever the siege, no teacup passed by me. 315 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,040 Listen here, you, I need that teacup back. 316 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,640 And listen here, foghorn, no teacup was sold. 317 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,280 - You saying it's been nicked? - Must have been. 318 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,520 I want this place turning over, you hear me?! 319 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,080 I want my teacup back! 320 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,240 It's been turned over. Everything's gone. 321 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,160 There's been tons of people through this place. 322 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,720 It could be anywhere. 323 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,040 - I want it! - Hey. Hey! 324 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,120 Calm down. Calm down, old boy. 325 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,760 Someone must have seen something, right? 326 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,840 I'm letting you know, I will get that cup and saucer back 327 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,800 if it kills me or I have to kill someone! 328 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,000 And you're sacked! 329 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,000 VALERIE SOBS 330 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,120 Just to explain his rather over-temperate reaction. 331 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,920 This is a piece dating from the 18th century. 332 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,080 Oh, swipe me sideways! 333 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,120 I mean, it is what you might call most collectable. 334 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,920 Here, see. 335 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,560 Oh, that's beautiful. 336 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,520 Exquisite. 337 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,920 Oh, I like that. It's lovely. 338 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,040 And it is worth �35,000. 339 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,560 EVERYONE GASPS 340 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,320 But cup must come with saucer. 341 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,440 Only the best for you. 342 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,840 It was crazy. 343 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,000 And Lonnie turned the whole shop over again once they'd gone 344 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,840 and it wasn't there. 345 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,840 CAR HORN BLARES 346 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,160 Oh! 347 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,480 The van just missed her. 348 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,120 It was going hell for leather. 349 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,240 Oh! She's terrified, poor thing. 350 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,560 Let's have a look at the identification. 351 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:23,680 Miss Prudence Snook. 352 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,400 114, Chapel Street. 353 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,080 I reckon that's that Miss Pru that came in here. 354 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,680 - They did say she had a dog. - Ooh. - Poor baby. 355 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,720 We better get her back. 356 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,280 It's OK. 357 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,600 Oh! 358 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,720 - Oh, no! - Guess it must be that one. - It must be that one. 359 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,640 LILY LAUGHS 360 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,760 Lily! 361 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,440 We can't just... 362 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,360 Miss Pru! 363 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,800 - We found your dog. - Lily! 364 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,880 We can't just... 365 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,680 Miss Pru? 366 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,240 - Clary. - Yeah? 367 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,200 DOG WHIMPERS 368 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,000 That's what I've heard anyway. 369 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,440 Take care. 370 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,360 And if you hear anything else, you know... 371 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,840 Miss Pru was known to the police. 372 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,720 - She was diagnosed as a kleptomaniac. - Blimey! 373 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,480 We were watching her but assured by her doctor that she was cured. 374 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,840 Obviously not. 375 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,400 I mean, it looks like a simple and sad accident waiting to happen. 376 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,920 There's way too much stuff here, 377 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,920 she was climbing the ladder and fell. 378 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,960 - I'm sorry, you can't come in here. - Oh, sorry. 379 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,920 What's going on? Just on me way back from bingo, 380 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,680 saw the police car and that. 381 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,440 I'll have to ask you to leave, thank you. 382 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,080 There's been an accident. 383 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,480 It's Miss Pru. She's dead. 384 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,360 WOMAN GASPS 385 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,120 Terrible accident, according to the undertakers. 386 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,280 Crushed to death by her own spoils. 387 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,160 Now, please, ladies, I really need everyone.... 388 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,760 She was a kleptomaniac, it seems. 389 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,040 Eh? 390 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,880 Isn't that like a thief who's not a thief? 391 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:49,240 Kleptomania is the inability to resist the urge to steal items, 392 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,480 usually for reasons other than personal use or financial gain. 393 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,760 She got stuff from all over the village, by the looks of things. 394 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,200 - Crushed, you say? - Mmm... 395 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,920 Right there. 396 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,360 God, what a way to go. 397 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,440 Seen quite a few things from the charity shop. 398 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,880 Right, please, madam, both of you will have to leave now. 399 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,160 I recognise that sun dial. That's from the park. 400 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,680 Yes, yes, out you go, please. 401 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,720 Nothing too large or too small, it seems. 402 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,960 Oh, look, there. 403 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,120 Those curling tongs! They're ours, aren't they? 404 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,760 Yes, they are. She must have taken them when she came in the shop. 405 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,160 God, she was quick and crafty, all right. 406 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,760 - Blimey! - Best not to touch anything yet. 407 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,720 Oh, right. Yeah. 408 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,960 CLATTERING, SMASHING 409 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,800 LOUD SNEEZE 410 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,760 I'm allergic to dogs. 411 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,440 That's me gone. 412 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,760 Where's...? 413 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,680 News Flash? That's what we call Wincey. 414 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,160 She'll be off now. It'll be all over the village in a trice. 415 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,160 I don't know if this is the right time, 416 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,280 but can you book me in for 10.00 tomorrow? 417 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,080 - You got that, Clary? - Yeah, I will do. 418 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,160 Bye, all. So, so sad. 419 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,560 LOUD SNEEZE 420 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,000 Lily, she's all on her own. 421 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,640 What's going to happen to her now? 422 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,200 - She'll be put in a pound over night. - Oh, the poor little thing. 423 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,640 Clary, get her food and some tins. We'll take her overnight. 424 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,560 Oh, I'm not sure the protocol... 425 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,200 Yeah... Yeah... 426 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,400 I'll just.... I'll just make a note of it. 427 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,560 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 428 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,440 There might be more to this than meets the eye? 429 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,840 Can't think on an empty stomach. 430 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,920 Let's settle the dog and then I'll treat you to a meal. 431 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,840 - WINCEY: - What I'm hearing is that she was one of those klepto-thingys... 432 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,680 Not actually eaten here before. 433 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,400 - Cheers, mate. - Hail! - Hail! 434 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,720 - Hail. - Now I come to think of it, 435 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,680 I were always a box of wooden forks down when she'd been by. 436 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,400 Yeah, it's like everything she'd stolen just turned on her. 437 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:14,040 - Pru. - Does anyone know any more? No. Well, listen to this. 438 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,200 Apparently, she stormed out of the charity shop earlier. 439 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,720 She stormed in and out of here. 440 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,480 Dobbie from charity shop were in buying everyone a chippy tea 441 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,560 to cheer 'em up. I mean, it's been chaos down there today. 442 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,040 Oh, aye, yeah - the incident with That Terry's tea cup. Yeah. 443 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,080 Hey, hey, listen, go on about Pru, 444 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,760 because this might have been her last sighting. 445 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,480 Dobbie saw Pru sidling into the front of the queue, 446 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,600 but Dobbie said something to her. 447 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:43,360 - What was it? - "I saw you," I think she said. 448 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,560 She didn't half leg it. 449 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,400 She stormed out of our shop too. 450 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,200 You're her, aren't you? 451 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,040 You're the new hairdresser, aren't you? 452 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,840 - CUSTOMERS: - Ooh! - Yeah. Who's asking? 453 00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,320 - It is her, yeah. She's from London. - Do you do walk-ins? 454 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,400 Everyone welcome. 455 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,680 - Do you mind? - 25% off! 456 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,600 Here you go, Kev. 457 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,240 Get serving, lad. 458 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,480 That's another one mad for you. 459 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,440 You what? 460 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,000 Look at the size of your chips compared to mine! 461 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:24,880 And...that young copper from before, too. 462 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,040 Constable "Uh-huh". 463 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,120 Smitten. 464 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,240 You honestly don't know, do you? 465 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:35,960 Mmm. 466 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,320 These are the best chips in the known world, though, aren't they? 467 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,200 - So what you thinking, Clary? - Hmm? 468 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,800 The trajectory looked off to me. 469 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,920 - What do you mean? - The body. 470 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,360 How it had...fallen. 471 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,920 WHISPERS: I used to cut for the head of CID. 472 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,880 And he said, "Every corpse tells a story." 473 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,400 It didn't look right for a fall from a height. 474 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,040 The intersections of points and plane relating to the body's 475 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,760 postulate configurations, it did not, to me, 476 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,680 indicate a fall from a height. 477 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,400 - Loose ends. - Loose ends. 478 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,720 - Lily? - Hmm. 479 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,640 Have you solved crimes before? 480 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,280 LILY CHUCKLES 481 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,840 Let's just say...I used to help sort things out sometimes. 482 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,040 Hairdressers. 483 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,880 - Charity shop. - Mmm. 484 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,200 - Chippy. - Uh-huh. 485 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,720 Then...brown bread. 486 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,960 Pru Never Queue, and everybody knows that. 487 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:59,520 So what was it that sent her running off like that? 488 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:00,640 Loose ends. 489 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,080 Lopsided. Got to clip it up neat. 490 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,440 Who wanted her... 491 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,520 ..dead? 492 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,520 Half the blinkin' village, it seems. 493 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,640 Clary... 494 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,560 ..it's murder. 495 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,000 BELL TOLLS 496 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:23,880 So... 497 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:26,640 ..what are we after? 498 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,880 Oh, I don't know. 499 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,840 Just a tidy up. 500 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,080 I always have the same. 501 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,760 Well, I think we can improve on that, don't you, Clary? 502 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,320 - Aye. - Ooh! 503 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:45,040 So, any more news on Miss Pru? 504 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,480 Only that the police think it was an accident. 505 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,200 Aye, waiting to happen, by the looks of things. 506 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,000 Still, what a way to go, hey? 507 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,360 You must have been one of the last people to see her? 508 00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:57,920 Aye, I suppose I was. 509 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,400 Shot out of that chippy door like lightning. 510 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,480 What on earth did you say to her? 511 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,240 Oh, I don't know, really. 512 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,560 Just letting her know I'd seen her pushing in. 513 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,560 Any news on that cup and saucer, Dobbie? 514 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,200 No, not hide nor hair. 515 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,200 Where was everyone in the shop? 516 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,560 Well, Lonnie and me was on the till, 517 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,480 but I was mainly in the back room with the Bad Lads, 518 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,360 sorting like billy-oh. 519 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,200 They're such good lads those too, you know. 520 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,800 Just got off to a bad start. 521 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,040 I had a neighbour like that once - Bess. 522 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,920 - Been inside but a diamond. - Yeah? 523 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,240 I'd come home and I'd find her siting in my front room 524 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,160 slurping tea and watching Countdown! 525 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,800 She could get in anywhere! 526 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,440 She showed me once too, when I locked meself out. 527 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:48,800 Oh, yeah? 528 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,960 - Easier than you'd think. It was like slicing cake. - Right. 529 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,400 You got any idea what's happened to them, Dobbie? 530 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,480 Well... 531 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:02,320 ..biggest mistake, dear, was putting the box unpacked near the door. 532 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,960 Bess always said, "Thieves grab what's at hand. 533 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,440 "Put stuff well away." 534 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,880 So I checked that painting out 535 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,760 and nobody's heard of the artist, Dranur, anywhere. 536 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,640 It's totally worthless. 537 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,960 So, what happened to this cup and saucer? 538 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,120 We know it made it to the charity shop, you, 539 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:26,040 - you dropped it off and you placed it down by the door. - Mmm. 540 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,200 An inside job? 541 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,720 So, we have Dobbie and Lonnie. 542 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:30,920 Unlikely. 543 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,960 Well, Dobbie, who claims she was in the back the whole time, 544 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,960 - which seems plausible. - True. 545 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,040 So the Bad Lads? I mean, they have records, 546 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,320 and I don't mean K-tel's greatest hits. 547 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,120 What about Miss Pru? 548 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,440 LILY GASPS 549 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,880 She's a kleptomaniac. 550 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,360 And don't forget That Terry. 551 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:51,120 Yes! He's a ruthless and determined little beggar by all accounts. 552 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:56,800 What if Miss Pru took it and Terry found out? 553 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,920 He could have gone up to hers to get it back. 554 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,240 And then there's Race Runard, the antiques dealer. 555 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,440 Yes. Now, Val hinted that he and Pru knew each other in some way. 556 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:10,720 What if his interest in the tea cup and in Pru somehow smashed together? 557 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:17,040 Oh, dog, if only you could tell us what happened to Miss Pru. 558 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,200 At the moment, it's only us that think it could be murder. 559 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,000 So, with all that in mind... 560 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,280 ..where's me next loose end coming from? 561 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,440 Wait! That name. 562 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,000 Look at in the mirror backwards. 563 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,600 The artist's signature. 564 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,080 Yes! That there. 565 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,160 Dranur becomes... 566 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:43,720 Runard. 567 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:48,360 - Mmm. - Yes, so lamentable about the teacup and saucer. 568 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,360 I even made a space for it in the cabinet over there, you see. 569 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,520 I don't suppose we will ever see it again. 570 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,760 By the way, that is me 571 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,960 with the Honourable Teacup Society of Japan. 572 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:09,600 Do you think anyone who was around knows of its whereabouts? 573 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:10,640 Like whom? 574 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,400 BOTH CHUCKLE 575 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:22,320 I wonder if I might call on you to appraise an item for me? 576 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,560 Well, of course, indeed you may. 577 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,360 Would you know... 578 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,000 - ..if this is worth anything? - No. 579 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:37,440 No, that's not my field, I'm afraid, no. 580 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,280 Strange. 581 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:42,800 Cos I'm a hairdresser, I could read War and Peace quicker in the mirror 582 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,360 than I could the right way round. 583 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,200 And if you look at the artist's signature there, 584 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,960 if you read that in a mirror... 585 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:56,640 ..it says Runard. 586 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:57,680 Yes. 587 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,640 So, what are you going to do? 588 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,120 Oh... 589 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,480 I mean, if it's out, it's out. 590 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,760 Truth be told, I'm glad. 591 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,000 You see, it was a joke. 592 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,880 It's always been my weakness, I'm afraid. 593 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,800 I've always been the practical joker. 594 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,920 The pricker of pomposity. 595 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,680 - Just couldn't help it. - So... 596 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,320 ..how did the painting end up in the hotel? 597 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:30,560 Ah, the owner of the hotel, a veritable pontificating prig, 598 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:35,440 he reckoned himself to be a connoisseur of modern art. 599 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,080 So, I, I hatched a ruse, you see. 600 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,920 I created paintings with a... 601 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,400 ..with a toothbrush and a kid's paint palette. 602 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,520 I invented an artist. 603 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,760 And, yes, yes, I did give him a clue, to be fair. 604 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,280 I did give him that signature 605 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,960 and then I charged him a shed load of wonga. 606 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,360 Oh, I see. 607 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,120 Well, I mean, I was going to return it, 608 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:02,960 once his humiliation was complete. 609 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,720 - What happened? - It backfired. 610 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,400 That ferreting Miss Pru discovered that they were fake. 611 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,960 And she told him. And what did he do? 612 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,680 Well, he did not see the funny side. 613 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,200 No, in fact, he went completely mad. 614 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,120 I had to return the money twice over 615 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,360 in order to keep him from the police. 616 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,480 Because even though I'd made good, 617 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,840 in my game, any whiff of fakery could have ruined me. 618 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:33,160 Mmm. 619 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,840 And Miss Pru? 620 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,000 Ah. 621 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,120 Well, she blackmailed me, stalked me, fell for me! 622 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,440 I'm not quite sure which of those was worse. 623 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,120 So I hated her, yes, I did. 624 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,760 And I must admit I looked to my beloved blunderbuss more than once. 625 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,920 Joke! 626 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,040 Yes. See, there I go again. 627 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,720 So, yes, a sad end, ultimately, 628 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,760 but being vanquished by her own swag 629 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,560 does have a sort of poetic justice, doesn't it? 630 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:10,080 And it's blinking handy. 631 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:16,040 ECHOEY SPEECH: So, this cup and saucer, turns out it's worth about 632 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:17,520 35 grand. 633 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,760 So we think that there's a very good reason 634 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,680 why a kleptomaniac such as Miss Pru 635 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,760 might have come to ill for taking it. 636 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:32,080 Well, I find it all a bit far fetched, girls, I'm sorry to say. 637 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,400 Pru stole it and then somebody murdered her for it? 638 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,520 Our investigations point to nothing of that nature. 639 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,200 It was clearly an accident. 640 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,080 'Ey, Lil, what keeps you so young-looking? 641 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,000 Oh! What you doing? 642 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,560 The first exercise in the ancient and secret 643 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,640 Five Tibetans. 644 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:07,000 Oh? What you on about? 645 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:08,400 Bit mystical. 646 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,080 Once upon a time, many, many years ago, 647 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,400 I gave a mammoth strim to a hairy old Shaman-type, 648 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,120 claimed to be 80. Honestly, looked 45 or less. 649 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,360 - Never? - He was so pleased, he gave me a tip. 650 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:23,480 "Do this every day." And he passed me a tatty dog-eared booklet - 651 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,360 - The Fountain of Youth. - Oh! 652 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,920 So the ancient secret to the fountain of youth 653 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,640 is spinning round and round? 654 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,160 And you do that every Saturday night. 655 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,600 Oh, good God! You're going to live forever. 656 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,320 Hey, watch it, I might. 657 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,720 I touch me toes twice a week and I bomb around town most days, 658 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,440 and when I can afford it, I sup an eggnog. 659 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,040 Yes, youth. A core tenant of maintaining it 660 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,880 is a strong social circle and a positive mindset. 661 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,760 Well, there you go, that's hairdressing. 662 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,920 Do summat. Save me. 663 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,120 Hey, you're going to be inundated now. 664 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:58,680 Inundated. 665 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:03,320 Yeah, it's all over the town how you took 25 years off Val with that cut. 666 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:04,720 Dobbie, too. 667 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,640 - Yeah! - It is all over town. 668 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,480 Wonder how that is? 669 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,320 Mmm, well, they say good news travels fast. 670 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,920 Yeah, it does. 671 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:17,360 Good and bad news with you - the Pony Express. 672 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,720 I don't know what you're insinuating, 673 00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:21,200 I really don't. 674 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,200 Well, whatever it is, we're grateful. 675 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,040 THEY SING ALONG TO RECORD 676 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,280 677 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,880 678 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:34,560 679 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:35,600 Hey! 680 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,040 You haven't got any Country, have you? 681 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,400 - What? - Country and Western. 682 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:45,800 Here she goes. Every second Friday, she's down the Rose and Crown, 683 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:49,520 plastered, singing Harper Valley PTA. 684 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,200 Will you shut it, Shirl? I meant '70s Country and Western. 685 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,920 Dolly, Willie, Kenny, Tammy? 686 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,520 Oo! You're talking my very language there. Hey! 687 00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,200 Shall we get you up. 688 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,920 Hey, Lil, this cup and saucer business, 689 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,040 what's it like? Have you seen it? 690 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,040 I've seen a picture. 691 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:11,040 Yeah, so, well, the saucer, delicate, goldy. 692 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,400 Yeah, it's got all this gorgeous gold around the rim. 693 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,160 Like that there? 694 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,600 It is the very one. 695 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,680 Oh, my God! 696 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,560 How could we not see that?! 697 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,000 God o' mercy! 698 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,320 What next? 699 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,080 - They need bringing together. - The cup and the saucer. 700 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,880 Oh, it'll be all over town in a millisecond. 701 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,040 Wincey, she can't wait. 702 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,960 She's like a town crier on roller blades. 703 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,160 DISTORTED SPEECH ON PHONE 704 00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:56,280 I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 705 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,720 The cup and saucer, she could have been 706 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,320 killed for them. 707 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,960 All right, listen, I'll pop by tomorrow, all right. 708 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,120 Will Clary be about, by any chance? 709 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,440 POLICE RADIO BEEPS 710 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,440 Oh, look, I'll have to go. 711 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:09,800 I'll have to go. 712 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,000 He'll be round first thing. 713 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:16,040 So...Pru had them all along. 714 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,760 Someone would stop at nothing. 715 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,560 Hey, I'm getting worried for you all on your own. 716 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,480 Oh, come now. 717 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:25,520 Why? 718 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,760 35,000 reasons. 719 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,560 Oh, I am. I'm scared for you all alone. 720 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,720 Well, who knows who Wincey's told by now 721 00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:35,040 or what the value's been exaggerated to. 722 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,000 I'm going to call Adam back. 723 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,040 He'll be round first thing in the morning, 724 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,480 and I've stashed the saucer safe. 725 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,080 Well, then I'm staying with you. 726 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,600 No, you are not. Away with your bother. 727 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,360 Hey, I've seen David Carradine in all the Kung Foos. 728 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,960 - I'd really rather stay. - No. 729 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:51,400 - Yes. - No. - Yes. 730 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:52,960 - Yes. - No. Away with you! 731 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,000 - I just think... - You're going to miss the last bus. 732 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,440 Shoo! Or I'll give you a bowl cut! 733 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,240 I will. 734 00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:01,120 You know I'm not lying. Out you go. 735 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,840 No, no, no, no! Excuse me! 736 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:19,920 Oh! 737 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,840 Can I give you a lift? 738 00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:02,480 RUSTLING 739 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,040 BANGING 740 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:26,240 Oh! 741 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,400 DOG BARKS 742 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,680 BANGING ON DOOR 743 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:49,880 CLATTER 744 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:53,760 - You all right? - Yes. That way. 745 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,960 Oh, Lily, I was too worried about you. 746 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,720 - I had to get him to call in now. - I'm all right. I'm all right. 747 00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:00,440 Hey, come on. 748 00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,800 LOUD SNEEZE 749 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,800 They've vanished without a trace. 750 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,480 Are you sure you're OK? 751 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,840 - I think we'd better get you checked out. - No. 752 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:31,720 Just shook up, that's all. 753 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:33,320 Good thing Clary got me to check in. 754 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,160 I was going to leave it till morning. 755 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,000 Did you get a look at who it was? 756 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,240 Dog and Sir Swivel saved me. 757 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,880 CHURCH BELL CHIMES 758 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,880 So, we have... 759 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,360 ..the fury of That Terry. 760 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:02,720 The blackmail of Race. 761 00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:08,960 That sneeze. 762 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,600 - BINGO CALLER: - We will be playing our yellow cards this afternoon, 763 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,520 for our national matinee prize bank. 764 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,440 So, get your dobbers at the ready and get yourselves settled in 765 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:26,600 and we'll be with you in just a few ticks. 766 00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:27,640 Doris Briggs? 767 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:29,960 What? 768 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:35,960 I need to speak to you in relation to the death of Prudence Snook. 769 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:37,400 I don't understand. 770 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,440 Can you explain this? 771 00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:44,520 It's a bingo dobber. 772 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,440 It has your initials on it and it was found at the crime scene. 773 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,320 That Pru must have stolen it. 774 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:54,320 We had it fingerprint tested and yours are on it and Pru's weren't. 775 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,280 We have your fingerprints on the police database from the time that 776 00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,800 you were convicted of a burglary in Birmingham a number of years ago. 777 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,120 Oh. 778 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,480 We'll be conducting a search of your house. 779 00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,080 I'm so sorry. 780 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,640 So sorry. 781 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:26,280 So here we go! Eyes down looking for this afternoon's Big One. 782 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:31,200 We are hooked up all around the world, and the prize is enormous! 783 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,800 Glad it's out. 784 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,080 Such a burden it's been. 785 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,000 What happened, Dobbie? 786 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,000 25, duck and dive. 787 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:41,960 Number 25. 788 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,400 Me lucky dobber dobbed me in, eh? 789 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:48,240 I realised I'd dropped it, went back for it 790 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,480 but couldn't get to look, you lot there. 791 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,000 Number 71, seven and one. 792 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:54,680 71. 793 00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,600 Hoped for the best, that it would get rolled in with everything else, 794 00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,440 but not to be. 795 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,360 What happened? Why? 796 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,240 13. Unlucky for some! 797 00:42:07,240 --> 00:42:08,560 13. 798 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,480 I'm in massive debt due to bingo addiction. 799 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,240 Six and seven. 67. 800 00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:18,800 Here or online, I can't stop! 801 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,000 Eight and two.. 802 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,800 When I heard the worth of it, teacup and saucer, 803 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,520 saw that Pru in the chippy, 804 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,720 put two and two together. 805 00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:30,720 I didn't know it was her that stole it, but 806 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:35,120 I took a chance and said to her in the chippy queue, "I saw you." 807 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,360 Then I knew for sure. 808 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:43,040 Got in through the back door, like Bess taught me. 809 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,960 But only the cup were there. 810 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,400 I couldn't find the saucer. 811 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,360 Six and four. 64. 812 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,600 If I could have found the saucer, I'd have been out of there. 813 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,960 Who'd have known it were full of dog food?! 814 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,080 Number 52. Five and two. 815 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,480 Then Pru came back unexpectedly, 816 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,640 threatened me, went to call the police. 817 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,840 I pushed over one of the piles. 818 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,680 It fell down on her. 819 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,280 I panicked. 820 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,920 Saw a step ladder, put it down, 821 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:17,720 made it look like an accident. 822 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,480 Fled. 823 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,280 Number 11. Legs 11. 824 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,000 Number four. Knock at the door. 825 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,520 Number four. 826 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,840 Seven and eight, 78. 827 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,600 There's �80,000 at stake. 828 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,920 We must be getting close to a winner now. 829 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,400 Number three, on its own, Cup of tea! 830 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:48,760 Number three. 831 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,960 Three and five, 35. 832 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,880 - Bingo! - And there we have a winner! 833 00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,560 834 00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,760 835 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,280 There he is. 836 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:10,880 Stunning! 837 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:14,440 I'm telling ya - Juliet Bravo, Cagney and Lacey 838 00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:18,240 and every Charlie's Angels got nothing on you, Lily. 839 00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:22,240 You are a veritable crimper and crime buster. 840 00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:23,800 Oh, steady on. 841 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,920 I wouldn't have got anywhere without double-o apprentice here! 842 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:28,760 Eh? Come on. 843 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,840 Anyway, Val, go on, what were you saying? 844 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:39,400 So, That Terry got paid by Race and even gave me some severance pay! 845 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,440 EVERYONE: Ooh! 846 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,240 - Lonnie, are you with me? - Am I?! 847 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,960 848 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:57,600 Go on, girl, here we go! 849 00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,480 850 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,480 851 00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:05,800 Come on! 852 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,360 853 00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:14,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 854 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,160 855 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,280 856 00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,920 857 00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,640 858 00:45:28,690 --> 00:45:33,240 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0